Day 14

I have not been in a good place the last 12 hours. I feel weak, I have a horrible headache and I am very irritable. Even when I ate cooked foods I never felt this awful. I was doing great, I ran 7 miles after work, I felt really good. But I was very hungry afterwards and I ate an avocado. I immediately felt very very sick, light headed and nauseaus....I never feel that way. I went to hang out with my neighbor next door and I felt like I was drunk. I am getting tired of eating so many bananas. I NEVER had headaches until last night and I woke up with it today. I feel absolutely awful and I wish I could eat cooked foods. Real food. Every little thing is annoying me and I feel bitter. The other day, I screamed out loud in frustration because the water was taking so long to warm up. This happens all the time and I never get that annoyed. I am normally a very peaceful person. I am tripping over cords, rugs and being abnormally clumsy. I know I should eat more, but I am not finding joy. 

The longest I've ever went raw was 2 weeks. Today is day 14. If I wasn't running a race on Sunday, I would eat a huge cooked meal. I am not sure how much longer I can take this awful feeling. I might go back to eating 1 meal a day cooked, just so I can start to feel normal again. If I am not finding joy and feeling good why am I doing this? I don't eat raw to feel this crappy. I can eat Taco Bell and feel equally crappy. I am feeling thinner, but if the scale hasn't budged, what's the point? I am feeling very negative now. My mind is very dark. It's Friday and I want to eat something cooked. I even want beer. Even though I won't touch that stuff anymore. I want to relax and let my mind flow. I hate these black thoughts. I don't have any food to eat today except mangos. I don't even have a single banana. I don't know how I am going to survive the day. Drink a lot of water and just keep moving I guess. This is not good. I want to feel normal and bright again.